It seems to be speeding up, but is it though? is it really? seeing it telescope up and out as time passes and individual perspectives shift. And the volume’s winding up all the while.
(this image is from my new-moon-vision-board-book . not as a statement of fear or doom, but shift and transformation)
But FFS, it’s relentless.
Right? I mean, isn’t it?
It doesn’t let up.
I can’t process it in any particular order, so I spend little bits of day here in my world, releasing confusion into my art journal.
This is a world populated by mismatch and clash. In that sense, perhaps it isn’t so different from the one outside.
Looking out, looking in. Trying to digest. Thinking forward, plans to make a positive contribution and fighting the voice inside that laughs in the face of that notion.
If you’re disconbobulated in scrambled emotions, if you’re feeling helpless, if you’re full of fear, my thoughts are with you. Much love, my friends.
Everything begins with an idea. Everything.
See the little tiny bits of neon pink in there? That’s the idea that set this page running. I saw this colour in the art shop forever-ago. I’m not a pinky kinda person but I had a really visceral attraction to this particularly teeth-jangling shade, and it was in my head until I had to buy it last week.
It’s a colour that says Bite Me.
If I was in charge of naming paint colours it would be called Don’tFuckAbout Pink. Then for some reason that wouldn’t be allowed. So I’d call it BiteMe Pink. Then I’d get a job someplace else cos I can’t tolerate that level of being told what I can’t say, or what I can’t call colours.
But I digress….
Thing is, I didn’t know what this page would draw out of me. All I knew was it was going to be powerful, virtue of is starting out as these three modest shouts of BiteMe Pink.
Even under all this noise, they can still be heard.
And it was a cacophonous week.
The weekend in the middle (my weeks begin on a Thursday, remember? please keep up) consisted of more than my usual level of soul searching at a creativity workshop. Meeting with extraordinary minds and beautiful souls. Deeply spirit rattling. Still feeling the ripples now. And breathe….
This week concluded the first half of the year.
And this week concluded with a big fat full moon
And the hottest day of the year,
And a literal fullmoon meltdown.
It was monuMENTAL
As illustrated by the many layered frenetic scribbles.
Coalescing finally, as this….
“Be Real ~ Be Awake ~ Be Present ~ Be Now”
I started the page a day project on 16 March this year. 3 books and 6 months later, what began as a whim rapidly snowballed into an all-out obsession, and I have loved ever minute of it!
This is starting to sound a bit final, a bit endy, and it isn’t that at all. Although I won’t be starting the inevitable book 4 straight away…
Tomorrow I enrol at art school to begin my degree.
I did the same last year, but cos of lack of applicants/the college’s hugely disorganised system, we found out on enrollment day there was no degree course.
My fallback plan was to use this year as training, practice, to develop and explore my creativity alone.
It’s my belief that life throws us curve balls sometimes which don’t make sense til later. It turned out that the last year also saw my home life turned upside down. If I’d been at school most likely I would’ve missed time and been fairly unfocussed as a result. Instead what I needed to balance this chaos was plenty of quiet alone time and to throw my soul into my art. Which I’ve certainly done!
At the time of typing to you, I’m in that space between kid-on-christmas-eve-anticiptation and yeh-like-it’s-gonna-actually-happen-this-time-cynicism. Gotta say, this isn’t a comfy space, but one way or the other, I’ll know by this time tomorrow!
So, watch this space folks – I’ll let you know tomorrow! 😉