circus of uncertainty


It’s a continuing theme…

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We are back in the book again. Come in, have a stroll round…

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It’s a bit wordy underfoot so mind your step.

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There’s a regularity to the irregular once you get used to it here.

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There’s a quiet comfort in the uncertainty.

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And as in the parallel world outside, no-one’s really sure what’s going on.

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“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.
…live in the question.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

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Welcome to my circus of uncertainty

 

 

 

Fueled by Doubt 36/52


I look at them in their lives and their worlds, they do their things and they live their days.

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I can do that. Look – watch me – I’m doing my things and living my days.

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And then I turn sideways, and vanish.

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Where did I go? All the fear folded in on me.

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It all looked too big, I left. It’s all too familiar, so I run. .I hide from being me.

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How am I not like the other people? Reasons crumple under their own weight and all the ideas dissolve into dust

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Who thought the simple act of being me would become such a challenge, such a confusion, so fueled by doubt.

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When this happens a lot I wonder if I should stop pretending.

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Pretending the other people are real, or pretending I am.

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I wonder at these words and fragments, at what will come next.

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Most people will understand,

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But most people aren’t real. Most people don’t exist.

Doubt and self deception


the question I keep re-asking myself this morning is: how is better not better? 

Huh? I mean, if a change is for the better, indisputably, measurably improved, better, then what reason would there to be to doubt it? Sure there’s a compromise, isn’t there always? But the net is gain. 

So what’s with the doubt?

Will it all fall apart despite the big life-shift?

Will it turn out that now I’m on the other side of the paradigm the grass is the same muddy colour?

Could it be the part of me that wants to pretend the uncomfortable bits aren’t worth it and revert to the full time discomfort of the old life?

Thoughts for the morning…..