Fueled by Doubt 36/52


I look at them in their lives and their worlds, they do their things and they live their days.

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I can do that. Look – watch me – I’m doing my things and living my days.

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And then I turn sideways, and vanish.

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Where did I go? All the fear folded in on me.

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It all looked too big, I left. It’s all too familiar, so I run. .I hide from being me.

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How am I not like the other people? Reasons crumple under their own weight and all the ideas dissolve into dust

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Who thought the simple act of being me would become such a challenge, such a confusion, so fueled by doubt.

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When this happens a lot I wonder if I should stop pretending.

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Pretending the other people are real, or pretending I am.

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I wonder at these words and fragments, at what will come next.

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Most people will understand,

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But most people aren’t real. Most people don’t exist.

butterfly overflow (9/52)


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Week 9 of this year is made out of the colours of Spring, honoring the sense of Spring as the world comes back to life after her quiet  dormant months. And some of last week’s butterflies have flitted across into this week too. I had a big old tidy up after finishing that project and all the left over butterflies have landed here. (I say all of them… a few got away as you’ll see on the next page).

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The week fell on the crossover from February to March, so warranted another list. Seems like there’s a reason for a list pretty much every week now. It’s in the background, but it can germinate there. I’ll patiently await the first shoots of development as the month wears on.

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Another week, another meme:

When you do what you fear the most you can do anything.

Ok, yeh, I can take that on as a challenge. I’ve crossed some metaphorical bridges lately, and my metaphorical-bridge-crossing skills are notably sharper as a result. I’ve also come to realise I can’t always tell the difference between the pit-of-the-guts anxiety feeling and its close cousin, the visceral buzz of anticipation feeling.

So I’ve actively decided that henceforth, if I’m in any doubt, I’ll assume its the latter.

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It is the feeling of butterflies.